My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
