I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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