i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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