wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
