I seem to have left my pride at pride
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
