Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
