Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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