You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
