Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
