i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
