I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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