i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
