i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
