at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
