If that was your dad, he is hot
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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