ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
