Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
