Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
