1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
