Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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