She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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