Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
