Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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