My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
