You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
