I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
pray to the hookup gods
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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