batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
