Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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