I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
