i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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