I haven't been this sober since birth.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
