why didn't you poke me back
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
