Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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