Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
