TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
