Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we're so committed to being not committed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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