I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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