I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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