I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
