I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
