Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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