I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
