That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
