Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
