i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
