pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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