I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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