I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
