Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
