brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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