You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
