im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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