I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
