I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
