I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
