i don't like sucking hair
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
