I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
