I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
