theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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