You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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