I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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