I didn't shave. On purpose
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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