weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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