she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
