Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
