You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
