Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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