So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
